The first step to becoming a better husband is to, well, try to be a better husband. It’s as simple as that. Marriages thrive when partners play active roles in the relationship, paying mind to everything from the daily maintenance of the marriage to personal care in hopes of understanding yourself better for the other. In other words: It’s all about making an effort. Do the work, and you’ll be rewarded. Want to start? Well, there are a number of small, nice things that all of us can focus on to be happier, more present, and more attentive husbands and partner.
FIVE TIPS TO BECOMING A GOOD HUSBAND.
1. Be Mindful of the Energy You Bring Home
Life is full of stressors. We can’t control them. What we can do is decide what energy we bring home — which is essential for staying present with your partner. “Choosing the energy we wish to bring into our home is so important before walking in,” Rose Lawrence, a psychotherapist and the owner of Mind Balance, Inc., told Brunopedia, “When we do this, we have more control over our intentions, our mood, and our behaviors. It involves a thoughtful choice each day, each hour.”
2. Do not talk to her as if she is one of the guys.
Listen to guy buddies talk about anything for more than five minutes and you likely will hear one of them let the other know that he is an idiot. When men talk with their male friends, they tend to be direct or even argumentative. They share their opinions freely and bluntly. They jokingly insult each other. They blast anything the other guy says that they do not like or agree with. Do they stop to think, “Am I being insensitive? Could I possibly be hurting his feelings?” The guy code is to let the chips fall where they may.
3. Listen to your wife the right way
Not only should you not be quick to give advice, but you need to give importance to your wife when listening. Give her your full attention and focus.
Remember, women generally tend to define intimacy in terms of verbal communication.
When she is talking to you, turn off the tv, put down the newspaper, and give her your full attention (in fact, that’s a good idea to do with your kids – or really anyone- when they are wanting to talk to you).
If you have a lot on your mind from work or something else and need a few minutes to clear your head, just let her know.
4. Take on one of your wife’s responsibilities
Most relationships—especially at work—are quid pro quo. Unfortunately, that doesn’t really work for marriage. Relationships built on the premise of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” lack the component of love, a feeling that finds its fullest expression in the act of giving. You are only in control, after all, of the amount of love you give. Many men are chivalrous and helpful when they first meet the love of their life. But over time, as their infatuation fades and routine sets in, they start to have expectations. And if they’re asked to help out, they’ll expect something in return.
Our advice to you is to stop looking for that quid quo pro. Be magnanimous; look for responsibilities your spouse typically takes on and shoulder them yourself. The easier you make things for your spouse, the easier life will be for you. Try it out…it really works. Pick up the kids from school so they can take a me-day and relax in the afternoon. Wash the dishes so they can watch their favorite TV show or read a book. Call the utility company to straighten out that mistake on the bill so they don’t have to. On top of the fact that these helpful behaviors will make your spouse really happy, you’ll also start to grow more into the role of being a carer and provider, and will in turn, feel much more fulfilled.
5. Be Her Support, Not Her Father.
The next time your wife comes home complaining about how someone treated her, do NOT tell her what she should have done, tell her what she should do, or offer to go deal with the problem yourself. Instead, listen, understand what she feels, and then give her the “poor baby.”
The “poor baby” is just what it sounds like. Let her know she has a right to feel hurt and that you are sorry it happened to her.
Unless she asks your opinion, or asks you to deal with the problem, do NOT offer to do so. You are not her father; you are her husband. Treat her as your equal. If she complains about a situation, your job is to listen, let her know you are on HER side (even if you think she did not handle things correctly, or that it was her fault) and that you are always there to support her. More than likely, she wants to forget the incident, but she needs validation that she has a right to feel hurt or angry. Give it to her.